剃了头发,

 

 

 

                                                                                     进到教堂,开始慕道,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                     我跟着盛夏,遇到你们,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

               

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                          我又把自己关起来.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                          三个月.
                                                                                          植物人.

                                                            忽略了朋友,忽略了家人,忽略了陌生人,忽略了天空,忽略了选择,
                                                                                        忽略了忽略
                                                            忽略了勇气,忽略了麻木,忽略了反抗性,主动性,忽略了自卑,自尊,
                                                                           忽略未来,忽略了一切,忽略了完全.
                                                                                        忽略了自己.
                                                                          好像只剩下肉体,或者,其实行尸走肉.

 

                                                                     某天,忘了第几次崩溃,又在全身颤抖,不再克制.
                                                        任由眼泪让呼吸困难,任由身体颤抖,就那样瘫在床上颤抖,颤抖到不再流泪.

 

 

       

 

今天,该记念今天吧.

挂着耳机.半梦半醒在路上走.一直走.一直走.走回家.
这条小路两边长满了绿植,抬头注视了感动的光线.
没有任何力气.
躺在熟悉的单人床整个下午,却不能睡去.
这个人是谁?里面怎么了.
为什么满是无法控制的血肉模糊画面.

还活着吗?
快死了吗?原来可以这么近.

只想睡觉.
好好睡一觉.

 

人生第一次安眠药原来这样迷茫.
谢谢你们.可我仍睡不去.

 

 

 

起来吧.

 

直到什么时候,

我想我可以了.

 

hey,是你吗?
是你.但是不同.
原来你还可以醒过来.
原来你真的活了过来.

 

知道我有多高兴吗,
高兴到泪流满面.
这次真的不同.

我记得面对面时血淋淋的泪流满面,
记得机场路上不顾一切的泪流满面,
记得不知走去哪里耳机的泪流满面,
记得第几次梦到你崩溃的泪流满面.

这次真的不同.

这次真的不同.

终于找了回来.

也找到了你.
原来你一直在那里.
你     不只在那里.
原来你永远在这里了.
你的位置.
你的存在.
永远存在在这里.

 

找到了.
找到了我.
找到了不仅仅是以前的我.
一直在那里的我.
时间?
时间呢,
时间不在话下.
那是会一直存在于我里面的东西.

 

你选择什么,你会爱上谁,你怎么样了.
以后,最后,
你始终在这里了.
这也是我无法左右的.

           

                                                                                             我很好.
                                                                                            找到了你.
                                                                                            找回了我.
                                                                                            找到了我.

                                                                                            多么高兴.
                                                                                            多么流泪.

                                                                                            静静生活.
                                                                                            静静生活.

我依旧可以约自己去看电影.
可以和朋友一起吃我爱的冰淇淋.
可以积极地戴着耳机.
可以笑一笑.
可以很平静.
接受回来.
接受离开.
可以接受关于你,未知的这样或那样.

 

只因我找到了你.
找回了自己.
也找到了自己.

 

"安心安心."

 

原来,是这样.
一切是这样.

 

 

       

 

 

                                                                                              hey,

 

                                                                                             我爱你,
                                                                                               谢谢.

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

从那里回来后.
我剃了头发.

只想让自己更狼狈.
想看看还可以怎样.

夏天再过来一些,会再去剃,剃到彻底.
而这次却是为了夏天.
真的仅仅是为了夏天.
算作...庆祝这个夏天来了吧.
好吗?

         

                                                                                         不再在乎一些.
                                                                                         永远在乎一些.

 

                                                                                           男孩 像你.

                                                                                           男孩 像我.

 

                                                                                         原来是这样的,
                                                                                        原来可以这么好.
 
                                                                                            这次不同,
                                                                                            真的不同,
                                                                                      泪流满面地如此高兴.

                                                                                             谢谢你.
                                                                                            谢谢夏天.
                                                                                             谢谢我.

 

                                                                                           你确实像白.

                                                                                          我也确实如黑.

                                                                                          谢谢黑白恶童.

                                                                                    白队员,白队员,呼叫白队员.
                                                                                      今天,这个星球还和平吧?

         
                                                                                         谢谢可以永远.

                                                                                           谢谢仍活着.

 

 

                                                                                             我可以了.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

送给自己的生日礼物呢.
快收到了吧.
今年送给自己两件礼物,
额外喜欢.
额外深刻.

天主教.
素食者.

 

 

 

原来我可以不再孤独.

原来,就算有天你不再在我身边,我仍可以留住你.留你永远在我身边.
你的信仰是为了你有太多痛苦吗,为了那年失去母亲的痛苦无助和孤独吧.
你有天也会永远离开我.
而我却可以永远留住你.

遇到什么.都知道你在我身边.一直都在.
安全着.不再孤独.

谢谢你让我感受到这个世界.

    

 

                                                                                       这天好难度过.
                                                                                       却太值得记念.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

醒得这么早.又做了噩梦.

 

 

     

 

 

问自己还行不行.还行不行.还行不行!

不过如此.狠狠地如此.

 

想对自己大喊.

想大笑.大笑大笑大笑.把自己笑到彻底.

 

却突然大哭.连自己都没想到地大哭.

哭到自己觉得自己可怕.这算什么样子.

还是在年少轻狂吗?

哭到犯病.又不停抖.

不想蜷缩,不想尽力控制,只管摊开四肢.

瘫在床上大哭.

笑.我要笑自己.

狠狠地边哭边笑.

 

镜子前看着自己.

看看自己的样子.记住这副脸.

无奈地嘲笑了面前的这个人.

 

对不起.jeffreya和seven.

一早打扰到你们.参与我的疯癫.

J说我"真固执".

真的不知道该高兴还是难过.

 

就当我尚年少轻狂着吧.

虽然早已感到时日无多.

 

 

一大早起来就大哭.哭到颤抖.哭到厌恶自己.

哭到笑.哭到没了自己.哭到眼睛肿.

哭到傻B.

 

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

                                                                                       去了那片海.

                                                                                         恶童的海.

 

                                                                                      我漂在水中央.

                                                                                     就那么漂着漂着.

                                                                                     仿佛有你的世界.

                                                                                   周围的一切那么美好.

                                                                                      水的味道很美好.

                                                                                       大白鹅很美好.

                                                             岸边的恋人很美好.孩子很美好.老人很美好.他们带着狗狗很美好.

                                                                                         树叶很美好.

                                                                                    手机里的音乐很美好.

                                                                                         一切很美好.

                                                                                          

                                                                                         我拍了下来.

 

                                                                                        

 

 

          

 

 

                                                                                        你,很美好.

 

 

 

                                                                                       没有拍下自己.

                                                                                       我远不够美好.

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                       有个男生唱着

 

                                                                                  你应该放肆地大声哭了.

                                                                                         你应该微笑.

                                                                                         你应该唱歌.

                                                                                   你应该跟爱的人拥抱.

                                                                                 你应该不在乎别人的劝告.

                                                                           你应该是你心里想的世界美丽的主角.

 

 

               

 

 

                                                                                       你一直是天使.

                                                                                 你经过了什么.忘记了什么.

                                                                                   微笑了什么.哭泣了什么.

 

 

                                                                                 夏天呢?夏天后来怎么样了.

                                                                                         你依然是你.

                                                                            不只停留在夏天.不仅仅是夏天的你.

                                                                            不只停留在那里.不仅仅是那样而已.

 

 

                                            

 

 

                                                                                      你一直是天使.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

睡醒在

pm11

 

 

其实我一直想早点睡

于是我睡下去

 

 

都明白.

什么都明白.

只得用"过程"二字尽量自我安抚

 

 

 

其实我该享受

对吗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

你们都说我是个怪人.

我有多么奇怪.

 

让我想一想.

因为

和你们用眼看到的不同?

 

 

我不想深究.

因为我明白.

我明白就好.

 

 

      

 

 

姑且归咎于  我是个水瓶.

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

2月26日

 

 

 

 

我哭了

对不起

我不该是这样

 

 

没能如你所愿好好照顾自己

 

 

 

哭地彻底

记不清第几次

 

 

知道吗

我让自己笑着哭

 

 

对不起

 

 

我们都需要勇气.

对吗

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

我是黑

你是白

 

 

永远记得恶童的黑白燕尾服婚礼

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                    c'est la vie, je t'aime... eternellement 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

 

                                                                       男孩三岁生日时,收到爸爸的生日礼物.

                                                                                     一只牧羊犬.

                                                                   好小.牧羊犬婴儿.棕色的毛,听说以后会变很长.

                                                                                   男孩叫他 [将军].

                                                                                   那时候,他好爱将军.

                                                                                    他们老是在一起.

                                                                    一起玩耍,一起挨骂,冷的时候,裹同一条毯子.

                                                                               将军生病的时候,男孩陪着他.

                                                               男孩哭了,将军舔舔他的脸,露出白色的肚子撒娇,逗他笑.

                                                                               将军很快地长大了,男孩也是.

                                                                         只是,当男孩十岁的时候,将军已经老了.

                                                                        男孩上了小学,交新朋友,有了自己的世界.

                                                                                   他不再跟将军玩了.

                                                                               他的世界不再只有将军了.

                                                                                    可是将军并不明白.

                                                                                        或许他懂.

                                                                  但他仍旧睁着一只温驯而漂亮的眼睛,等着男孩回家.

                                                                                 等他一起散步,玩飞盘.

                                                                                       跟以前一样.

                                                                                   但男孩不再那么做了.

                                                                             他的生活被许多新鲜的刺激填满.

                                                                                  将军被远远地抛在后头.

                                                                     但男孩还是爱他,还是在每天放学后摸摸他的头.

                                                                                 可是,他不再对将军说话了.

 

                                                                  后来,将军老了,跑不动了.身体也不像以前一样健壮了.

                                                                   他每天睡觉,饭也吃不了多少.将军知道自己就要死了.

                                                                                   但他并没有让男孩知道.

                                                                      男孩仍旧每天开开心心上学,出门前摸他的头,说,

                                                                                     [我走噜,你要乖喔!]

                                                                          有一天,男孩要上学前忘了跟将军说掰掰.

                                                                              将军跟上去,撒娇.比平常都要热情.

                                                                          男孩察觉他的热情,予以回应,亲热地吻他.

                                                                                       但他就要迟到了.

                                                                               将军依依不舍地望着男孩的背影.

                                                                            那时,男孩并没有特别注意到这件事情.

 

                                                                  男孩上第三堂课,突然想念将军.他决定放学以后带他去玩.

                                                                                             一定.

                                                                           好不容易下课钟响,男孩迫不及待地冲回家.

 

                                                                                         将军却不见了.

                                                                             他找,叫,喊他名字,将军却始终没有出现.

                                                                                   男孩找了一整晚.隔天也找.

 

                                                                               将军不见的第三天,男孩沮丧的上学.

                                                                                       邻居伯伯刚好出来.

                                                        [你家那只狗啊,前几天死在我家果园呐!我看他都硬掉了就把他埋了啦......]

                                                                         男孩默默看着他,心想这死老头到底在说些什么.

 

                                                               上社会课的时候,男孩用铅笔不停地画.乱画.整个课本都涂黑了.

                                                                                后来他掏出一张白纸,开始写信.

                                                                                         他要写信给将军.

 

                                                                           后来那封信被夹在男孩跟将军合照的相框里.

                                                                                          是爸爸放进去的.

                                                                                    那时,爸爸问他:[怎么没哭?]

                                                                                    男孩回答:[因为我不想哭啊]

 

                                                        

 

 

 

                                                                                    男孩21岁的时候看见这张纸.

                                                                                           伤心地哭了起来.

                                                                              哭了好久好久.像 整个世界都破掉一样.

 

                                                                               原来还是小孩的自己,不知道什么叫伤心.

                                                                             原来长大以后的自己,不知道伤心可以很伤心.

 

 

 

                    

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                      [将军,对不起.

                                                                             为什么我没有一直 很 爱 你.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

                                               

 

 

1883年8月27日,克拉克托岛上的火山爆发,不但死了三万人,岛上的生物也全都死光,还引起全球一连串海啸......九个月后,一支法国探险队去岛上搜寻有没有任何生命迹象,结果,整个荒凉的岛上,只发现一只很小很小的蜘蛛,就它一只而已,正在织网......

 

         威尔森推断,这只小蜘蛛应该是乘着风降落在岛上的.然后,威尔森加问了一个问题:"真不知道它织那个蜘蛛网,到底是打算要捕什么?整个岛上就它一个而已."

 

                      克拉克托岛后来当然又渐渐复苏了,海里冲了蟹上来天上有鸟经过就栖息住下.只是没有人知道,那只小蜘蛛有没有能够撑到那时候.

 

                                                              "我是这个世界的第一个吗?还是这世界剩下的最后一个?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                               人总是经过一些后更了解自己,

                                                                                      推翻一些,领悟一些,

                                                                        失去一些 - 得到一些 - 再得到 - 再失去.

 

                                                                       

                                                                      

 

                                                                                     剥落着,发现了,又顿悟,

                                                                                             一路过来.

 

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                 也许这期间算给自己放了个大假.

 

 

 

                                

 

 

                                                                                          那天,起了个大早.

                                                                               独自逛街 坐车 走路 吃我爱的冰淇淋,

                                                                                      无意偷听着谁和谁的对话,

                                                                                         独自吃午餐 喝咖啡,

                                                                                      观察谁和谁对话时的表情,

                                                                               买了影院中间的位子独自看了部电影,

                                                                                       独自试了双鞋买了双鞋,

                                                                                          独自坐双人沙发...

 

 

 

                                                                                    之后,悄无声息地带自己私奔.

                                                                                               一次,两次.

                                                                                               一留 再留.

                                                                                         背离一贯理智的自己,

                                                                                         或者是发现另个自己.

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                再之后呢

 

 

 

                                                         

                                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

她  知道 >

 

 

她写到 -

 

"观

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

                   

 

 我  不知道 >

 

 

 

                                                                                      不知道 何时起.

 

                                                                                 不知道 开心还是不开心.

 

                                                                   不知道 那句 那句 那句 等等的 是谎话还是真话.

 

                                                                                       不知道 方向.

 

                                                                                      不知道 会如何.

 

                                                                                   不知道 可以/不可以.

 

                                                                                    不知道 答应/拒绝.

 

                                                                                    不知道 回答/不答.

 

                                                                                    不知道 说话/沉默.

 

                                                                                     不知道 爱/不爱.

 

                                                                                     不知道 对/不对.

 

                                                                                   不知道 是我/不是我.

 

                                                                                   不知道 知道/不知道.

 

                                                                        忘记也无从追忆从何时起,我有了 不知道.

                                                                              不知道,不知道,不知道,不知道.

                                                                                 也许连我自己都未曾发现.

 

                                                                                          直到某天,

                                                                                     懂我的那位朋友说,

                                                                 知道吗,你很多时候说不知道的时候,并不是真的不知道.

 

                                                                                             而后

                                                                                            问自己,

                                                                                       我真的不知道吗?

 

                                                                                              呵

                                                                                        我想 我知道了.

                                                                                         其实 我知道.

 

                                                                                              可

                                                                                     我还是总说 不知道.

 

                                                                                           还是要说

                                                                                            不知道.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

洗了澡.回房间.

关上没有锁的门已是习惯.

开电脑.放音乐.

窗大开.灯不开.

忘了何时开始.   天黑时候  房间的灯不再使用.

让我觉得踏实.   浮躁 琐事 全无.

 

一人在不开灯的房间 才让我真切感受到 真实自己.

再回放白天,回放和谁谁在一起,很多时候   那不是我.

                                        

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

那些那些那些,多差多差多差. >

不要轻易拥入怀中? >

 

 

 

 

                                                                                    我们都不愿伤心.虽然那也是种获得.

                                                            更不愿失去.真正怕失去的究竟又是什么.有没有想过.那确是该明确的.

                                                            是不是下一次就不要拥入怀中?  或者 不要轻易.

 

                                                                                                  又或者

                                                                                              只会防不胜防.

         

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

我在感谢,你们在烧 >

 

 

 

 

                                                                                我该感谢你们选了我吧?

 

                                                                  我明白你们的需要,假想,目的,坚持,真真假假等等

                                                                            我只求放下掩饰和热烈的欲望.

                                                             你们的脸在烧.眼在烧.脑在烧.身体在烧.毛孔在烧.都在烧.

                                                                                   别烧坏自己才好.

 

 

 

                                                                                      对你们说,

 

                                                                                      也对我说.

  

     

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

某日午后的光合作用? >

 

 

 

 

                                                                                    是 光合作用,

                                                                           或者那首午后闲在的老歌作祟.

                                                            生来注定眷恋感情的所谓高级动物对种种情事突然心如死水般.

                                                                   不.           该说是         怅然或是平和了许多.

                                                                     那些存在与否,好与坏, 似乎 都不再庸人自扰.

 

                                                         也许/即使 明天过后还是会忠于天性.这刻的真切感受我会永远收于心内.

                                                                                    我 该是那样的吧.

 

                                                         我想 不知多久后, 就在某天 我一觉醒来.便会自然而然地归于此刻心境.

                                                                        那不会是个决定.一定是自然地状态使然.

                                                                 我想那时的我, 该是    快乐 满足 并真正有安全感的.

                                                                    更重要的是 我生命中的很大一块 终于彻底平静.

                                    

                              

 

                                                                                    那 该是快乐的?

        

                                                                听上去好像是种极端的决绝 或者 悲哀无奈的事情

                                                            可我想 那时的我应该已经平静到连自己都无法相信的状态.

                                                                           也无从去顾及是属 悲哀或者快乐          

 

                                                               

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

黑巧克力 阳光 单人床 >

 

 

 

 

                                                                                    难得的超级大太阳

                                                                                    难得地拉开蓝窗帘

                                                                                 不吃午饭只吃四块黑巧

                                                                    倚着窗台  看外面满天飞絮 心情随天气好许多

                                                       深刻印象 我该是不喜欢晴天的, 何况大太阳.更难得的持续开着窗帘.

                                                                              选择趴在单人床上 闭一下眼

                                                                                     

 

                                                                                            好了

                                                                                            起身

                                                                                            洗澡

 

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

 

                                                                              我们的时间都不多.真的不多.

 

                                                                                所以 需要放下,需要释怀,

                                                                                  需要快点 快点 再快点.

 

 

                        

 

 

 

近段,多数时候情绪毫无起伏.不知算不算平静.
刚刚稍加思索.若是非要追究.许是和时光最为有关.
包括流过的,在流动的,和将要流过的.
若要继续深究.我想    只能归咎于里面这颗与生俱来的大脑运转过频.

 

                                                       

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  

听者>

 

                                                                                    听者   其实只用耳就好.
                                                                             我却用了大脑   甚至波及了身体行为.

 

                                                                    现在我面红耳赤地承认我在一些朋友面前不算少言寡语.
                                                                                   但却常常话真的少到不行.
                                                                                     气氛冷不冷?因人而异.

                                                                                    说实话,直到前一段为止,
                                                               我还一直担心    如果话少,不知道该说什么的时候我该 如何是好.
                                                                                       最近开始  不再担心.

                                                                                              在我看来
                                                                                           这是      好事.

 

                                      

 

                                                                                      不知为何.近来常作听者.
                                                                             因为话少 ?  面相 ? 或者脾气 ? 呵呵...
                                                                                     或者不是出于我.而是对方.
                                                                                              无需深究.

 

                                                                                       听他.听他.听他.听她.
                                                                                           还有   听他们.
                                                                                              再听自己.

 

                                                                                      听到我专注.吃惊.无奈.
                                                                                        泪水暗涌.忧心重重.
                                                                                           甚至痛苦不堪.
                                                                                     听到我话少.更少.不说话.
                                                                                         或只稍稍上扬嘴角.
                                                                                  甚至仅仅只有坚定且关切的眼神.

 

                                

 

                                                                         我不知道我是否算作真的平静.
                                                                    不知道该不该叫平静.或者是有些看开?
                                                                    还是听天由命? 随遇而安?等等等等的.
                                                                            又多加了许多踏实和沉静.
                                                                                谢谢你们说给我听.

                                                                               我宁愿一直是个听者.
                                                                                        宁愿.

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  

哭笑>

 

                                                                              发现自己有日子没哭了.

 

                                                                                    依然是近段.

                                                                             泪流了几次.都是因为电影.
                                                                           绕不开个 "情" 字.爱人或亲人.

                                                                                 而且是个固定模式.
                                                                                 头皮一麻.心里一颤.
                                                                             紧闭嘴一笑.眼眶顿然湿澈.
                                                                                流下的比以前少之又少.
                                                                                  心里的却越发深刻.

 

                                                     

 

 

                                                                                是哭是笑? 该哭该笑?

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

注定>

 

                                                                                       印象深刻.
                                                                       以前彻底是不信缘分和宿命等等一类.

                                                                                 去年开始 却信念转变.
                                                               许是因为过了青春期.该走的走.该来的来.呵呵.说笑.

                                                               现在坚信,大体都是写好的.只是细节是自由发挥而已.
                                                                               让我不时感叹注定和奇妙.
                                                                              所以谈不上该乐观还是悲观.
                                                                            我向来悲观.试过调整甚至改变.
                                                                                     结果可想而知.

                                                                                     是生来悲观吧.

 

                                                             

                    

 

                                                                                          插曲.
                                                                               短短几周.结缘一位挚友.
                                                                       我很明白.那种舒服和放松是相当难得的.
                                                                                   也是我求之不得的.
                                                                              谢谢你用心待我.放心于我.
                                                                              这一切没有想像的那么糟 .
                                                                              这一切没有想像的那么糟 ?

 

 

                                  

                                                                 一些时候.我认为朋友变了.我们之间的感情变了.
                                                               结识多年的我们变得陌生.仿佛总在消耗原本的感情.
                                                               是你冷漠了或者叫做看开?还是我想的太多太过片面?
                                                                     我们成长去不同方向或者那只是表面现象?
                                                                      另一位挚友劝我:你该允许朋友的改变.
                                                                                   劫后新生.加油.

                                          这 "另一位挚友" 一向行事低调.做事细致.虽难免偶有晃点晃神加不靠谱.但  是个好女人.
                                            多年来一直保持神经质加超敏感的你.却比本人看的开且沉着冷静许多.让我相当佩服.

                                                         那天,我突然飙出一句 : 真正的好朋友是可以随便任何怎样的.
                                                                                      你回:恩!
                                        让我感慨不已.我这个跳越性且混乱思维说的这句没边际且表达严重不清的话,您竟然心领神会.
                                                                               不愧我封您为女超人.

 

                                                                              说到底,又是腻耳的感谢.
                                            谢谢陪我经历任何,哭笑,争吵,工作起伏,爱情的开始和结束,甚至陪我在生死边界溜达.
                                                        谢谢容忍我慢性子和烂记性及诸多缺点.谢谢夸我脾气变更好了.
                                                                                    谢谢共同成长.
                                                                                  加油.好样的.呵呵.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

相守&分离>

 

 

                                                                                           爸.
                                                                                           妈.
                                                                               我越来越恐惧失去你们.

                                   

                                                                                           S.
                                                             我们不要要求对方如何.至少我不想对你要求.哪怕是应该.
                                                      我虽然是个强调沟通的人却也同时是个不会表达的人.原谅这样的我.
                                                                       我缺乏信心.对自己.对爱情.越来越.
                                                                            我想你不会察觉.我会继续.
                                                                                    并且倍加努力.

                                                                                         爱你.

                                        

 

                                                                                        爱你们.

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

独自>

 

 

                                                                                        我了解.
                                                                             每个人到最后 都是孤独的.

                                                                          

                                                                              

                                                                                         好吧

 

                                            

                                                 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                        还是想念洗澡时可以不自觉地唱起歌的时候.

 

                                                                             已经忘了多久没有看到清晨的模样.

                             

                  

                 

 

                                                                                  我们不断克服肤浅,空洞.

                                                                                   却又总会期待峰回路转.

                                                                                      总是在闪避着什么.

                                                                              不停挥霍着.却又不停伤心不已.

                                                                            都不要自诩有多温柔甚至光辉闪耀.

                                                                  

                                                                            早该放下. 放下.

                                                                                                              放下.

 

                                                        

                                                                                     

 

                                                                                    每个人都纷纷扰扰.

                                                                                        不愿又甘愿.

 

                                                                        是不是该啦啦啦啊啊啊地随意哼唱上几句.

 

 

 

 

                                                                        没有月亮真的不好.                    不好.

 

                  

                        

                                                 

 

                                                                    某日下午的天色仍然历历在目.是个大风的日子.

                                                                    记得西边释放彻底的金橘色天空.放肆的那些云.

 

                                                                  那时候似乎透彻了许多.放轻松了许多.甚至是痛快.

                                                                               还不及一根烟的时间.远不及.

                                                                                       却满足的可以.

 

                                                                                       我清楚的知道,

                                                                                      那是心里的景色.

 

                                                                                   好象是...就这样就好.

                                                                                            知足.

                                           

 

                                                                                                          

 

                                                                                           景色?

                                                                                    忆起又一日的景色.

 

                                                                         我想     生命中的一些是注定要出现的.

                                                                                 踩不踩得过同样是注定.

 

                                                                           那刻,不止水面风平浪静.暖人的很.

                                                                                        心中更甚.

 

                                                          我该感谢天气,那只跟随甚久的鸭子还是那个不再劫后余生的挚友,

                                                          哪个人所带来的什么,或者是我发肤/血液/细胞中与生俱来的一切?

 

 

 

                                    

 

 

                                                                             我们都是发明家.思想家.哲学家.

                                                                                            是吧?

 

                                                                                           防身术.

                                                                                       不要费劲心思.

                                                                                       那仅仅是自爱.

                                                                                       只会防不胜防.

 

 

                                                                                        回忆是良药.

 

 

 

                                                                                            其实,

                                                                      并不确凿我是更诚恳了,亦或更懂得遮掩了.

 

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

                                      

 

                                                                                 浅浅聊及吸引和被吸引.

                                                                                   某些弧线.无法抗拒.

 

 

 

                                                                            我们都迫不及待地钻入对方体内?

                                                                                明知多余,仍不安个不停.

                                                                     别去费劲心思想要怎样才能够明白.才能到底.

 

 

 

                                                                                         我们很好.

                                                                                          都很好.

 

 

                                                                  

 

 

                                                                                    一世纪很快就过.

                                                                               甚至没有哪道光来得深刻.

                                                                                   看似丰富.其实单调.

 

 

                                                                                别太过较真,别小心翼翼?

                                                                                别太过贪婪,别适可而止?

                                                                                        别,千万别?

 

 

                                                                                     一切都太匆匆.

  

                                                                                   明天还会记得吗?

 

 

 

 

                                                                                 其实闭上眼睛就没了.

                                                                                 是真的          没了.

 

 

                                                                      

 

 

                                                                                  所以需要更多期待.

 

 

                                                             

 

 

 

                                  

                      

 

                                                                                     这是第二间.绝非第一间.

                                                                                     第一间是我.二间会更加.

 

                                                                                    我定谨慎铭记你们的回馈.

                                                                                    以便保住这一间珍贵生命.

 

" 经过我们的检查，发现您的Windows Live Spaces中发表的内容违反了Windows Live Spaces 行为准则，您在我们给予警告的时间范围内没有做出任何修整，因此您的Windows Live Spaces已经被封锁。由于您严重违反了Windows Live Spaces 行为准则，很抱歉我们无法使您继续使用该共享空间，您也无法使用该帐户注册其他共享空间，我们建议您使用其它.NET Passport帐户另外注册一个新的共享空间，并请严格遵守Windows Live Spaces 行为准则。
以下是您违反我们行为准则的具体内容：
在您的共享空间“kurtmilk”中发现有些图像包含半裸（暴露女性胸部或男性/女性完整臀部）的人体
由此给您导致的不便，我们深表歉意。
致
    礼  
Window Live 技术支持中心 "

 

                                                                     

                                                                                      我从来不是个乖小孩.

                                                                                      却也不曾是个坏小孩.

 

                                                     

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

                                                    经过和Window Live 技术支持中心长达一个月的沟通.终于保留住了以前的空间.

                                                

                                                                              http://kurtmilk.spaces.live.com

 

                                                                                   旧空间经历很多也该休息了.

                                                                从"设置权限"到"完全开放".从"蚊子风波"到"封锁裸露事件"

                                                                                                哈哈

                                              

                                              

 

                                                                                      谢谢那些关心K`的人.

                   

                                                                               希望我们都努力做个快乐的自己.

                                                                                   

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________